By Valerie Stuart
Valerie Stuart offers Sessions in Presence, a direct connection to the truth of what you are. Go beyond problem-solving into living from your true being. She specializes in healing, lifework, relationship, spiritual issues and working with diet to heal disease. More info at the Private Sessions tab at livinginpresence.com
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Quick Eye Gazing Tips
1) Use the connection between your eyes to keep your present in the now. It's not about staring at the surface of the eye, but experiencing the energy between you and the energy of your partner’s being. Rather than noting physical detail about the eye, softening your gaze, helps you pick up on subtle energy. Sometimes you may experience yourself as expanding or becoming aware of energy beyond you and your partner.
2) People often have thoughts like "I wonder if they think I'm making a pass at them." Fears and concerns will come up, just keep looking at your partner's eyes and breathing and don't give life to any thoughts, keep letting them go. If you see something frightening, just say, “I bless you” in your mind and stay present and things will shift. Most of us were taught to feel bad to look into someone’s eyes too long, so you may have to move through some layers of fear or programming in this area. Just say “yes” to whatever arises without clinging to it and anything false will move on.
Accepting “what is” usually relaxes things and allows it to change. This is true about life in general. Just keep breathing, noticing and opening. You can actually feel the energy in and around your body and open it up. Like when you are in a beautiful spot in nature breathing in clean air, how your energy relaxes and expands. You can consciously breath space into your energy or do one of the other processes found in the From Funk to Freedom article under the About/Article tab at livinginpresence.com
If you are having negative feelings or resistance it is normal; just notice, "oh, anger is here, OK," and then just breath and let anger be there and gently hold it like a loving parent holds a baby. Try to expand your awareness of yourself as more than just the feeling of anger. What is aware of the anger? Put your focus on the "one who is aware" of the feeling. Turn around inside so-to-speak, and focus on the felt-sense of your own presence that hasn't changed since you were young.
3) Keep your energy in your heart, rather than your head. Come back to the vulnerability and love of your heart. Be wiling to receive this person as energy and as a being and share yourself that way.
4) Stay focused on one eye or looking at both eyes at once or at the bridge of their nose helps to have a softer focus. Find a focus point as fast as you can and stay with it for 2 or 3 minutes before moving to another eye or focus. This helps your partner settle in.
5) It is OK to close your eyes for a minute to re-connect with yourself. Your partner can choose to keep their eyes open or close theirs too. The most important thing is to stay connected with your true energy and use the eye gazing to help you expand into your greater being.
6) It’s usually best to not touch knees, hold hands or touch at all as it can bring up thoughts or cause too much distraction. If you do touch and notice it’s getting you in your head, feel free to disengage from touch.
7) Bow to your partner when you are complete. Feel free to take turns sharing what you experienced about yourself, the other and the energy between you. Share flashes of images you may have seen or knowings you experienced. Sometimes we see others past lives.
It is like learning to ride a bike. Once you have experienced being “in the zone,” it will get easier and better. It’s not about trying hard or staring. It’s using the connection between the eyes to soften and expand into the subtle energy of your own self, the other person, and into the “everything” that we all are. Let yourself fall into the other and experience yourselves as something beyond your personalities.
It is best to focus on one eye, versus switching backand forth a lot (which throws your partner off), so settle in on one eye most of the time. A few times, it is fun to switch to the other eye and then stay with it, and see if you notice a difference. Some people feel one eye has a more penetrating quality, or you may travel deeper into the person through that eye. You might feel you see the person’s fear or shadow side (which can also be a mirror into seeing into your own hidden aspects).
So, just be curious about what sensations and realizations you notice or information you receive about a person. You may notice your partner’s face changing into everything from an angel to a hideous monster or maybe a past life. Just try to stay with whatever you see and bless it if you find yourself a little afraid. You may feel you are traveling through time, you may move into an ecstatic communion, or you may feel like you aren’t “getting it,” nothing is happening. Just say “yes” and let that be OK.
Accepting “what is” usually relaxes things and allows it to change. This is true about life in general. Just keep breathing, noticing and opening. You can actually feel the energy in and around your body and help it open it up. Like when you are in a beautiful spot in nature breathing in clean air, how your energy relaxes and opens. You can consciously breath space into your energy if you feel contracted or remember to do one of the Presence processes found in the article From Funk to Freedom under the About tab at Livinginpresence.com
You may want to explore holding hands or putting hands on each other’s hearts. You should only touch as much as you both want to. If one of you disengages from touch, don’t take it personally, it just may be too distracting. You will have an opportunity to feel what is right for you and to see what happens when you don’t honor it, because you are being polite, instead
If touch brings up too much mind-chatter (do they think I am making a pass? Are they uncomfortable? Am I attracted to them?), it is an opportunity to see what illusions, fears or judgments are inside of you. If touch pulls you too much out of being present with your partner, it might be best to disengage from touch.
If you are the odd person out: you can experiment with holding the whole group within your field. You can just hold the circle within your consciousness or experiment holding the whole circle in love or peace. You may notice a subtle reaction in the group (letting go sighs) that will guide you on how to hold presence to support others.
So remember, the greatest thing you can do is just rest, be and notice the thoughts, feelings, strivings, graspings, shoulds, fears, aversions, and continue to settle deeper into your true seat, resting in the Presence that you have always been.
When people aren't asking the baby to smile or say something, but are just with the baby, it is a wonderful validation that the baby is enough as it is and loved for no other reason, than it exists. Later in life, we learn to do and say things to attract the presence of other people.
Eye-gazing is a wonderful way to experience love without earning or performing or doing anything for it. It teaches us that resting in our innate being IS more than enough. It teaches us that we don't have to take care of others and we can relax all the habitual ways we were taught to strive, influence and control while relating to others.
Eye-gazing supports a deep realization of true nature and helps us stay in that realization while interacting with others. There is also a precious experience of deeply meeting another person because the relating isn't limited by words. People sometimes have profound realizations about themselves or receive intuitive knowledge about their gazing partner. Gazers often feel themselves merging into a experience of their divine nature.
The most important thing you can do, is just rest in your own true being and meet others in that. A big obstacle to an enjoyable experience is our programming to "do it right." Many of us had experiences of feeling humiliated and the fear of being embarrassed or wrong can inhibit us. The secret is to gently hold whatever comes up without pushing it away or getting wrapped up in it.
Eye-gazing is a wonderful opportunity to enjoy being with someone as your natural self, without having to make conversation. You can just relax and meet someone being-to-being like babies do - freely and easily. This is a time to just take care of you and be yourself. It is the greatest gift you can give yourself, your eye-gaze partner, and the group.
Most of us feel intimidated by eye-gazing because we were heavily conditioned that is isn't polite to stare or really feel into another person. Eye-gazing is a level of intimacy we aren't used to, so sometimes you may not feel loving or open and just let that be ok! It is natural for resistance to come up in the form of sleepiness, anger, fear, laughter, judgment, aloofness or boredom.
If you are having negative feelings, just notice, "Oh, anger is here, OK," and then just breath and let anger be there and gently hold it like a loving parent holds a baby. Try to expand your awareness of yourself as more than just the feeling of anger. What is aware of the anger? Put your focus on the "one who is aware" of the feeling. Turn around inside and focus on the felt-sense of your own presence, that being that is just here and alive that hasn't changed since you were young.
Try not to be disappointed if you end up with a partner you think you don't like. Some of my most profound eye-gazes have been with people I thought I didn't like. There is always a gift there. Either they represent something I don't like about myself, or some energy I was wounded by in the past, or they represent a quality I many envy and want more of in my own life. So, welcome whatever partner you end up with, as you never know what gifts they will have for you.
Don't judge yourself for thoughts of feelings that come up, because judgment is just one part of the ego judging another part and it lets ego keep running your life by keeping you away from experiencing the amazing Presence that you are. After noticing the thoughts, just return to being as present as you can be in the room, in your body, and with your gazing partner. Anchor yourself in the present by holding on to the energy between yours and your partner's eyes.
It is important to not judge your experience as not good enough, if you hear other people having profound experiences. More important than experiences, is being in your true nature without having to play roles or talk out of habit. The most important thing you can do is to allow yourself to rest and meet the whole universe in yourself and others.